Through the Eyes of an Image Consultant's Husband

Editor's Note: An interesting read, even if the author has a more acerbic wit than I.

Ten Image Management Rules I Learned in Starbucks

by Michael R. Strange

1. If you are a young executive who is neatly and professionally dressed, try to avoid looking so frazzled. (For heaven’s sake what can make you so fidgety at Starbucks?) Button the top button of your shirt, pull your tie up, and comb your hair so that you do not have random clumps sticking out in various directions.


2. Avoid dressing like a sexy 20-something when you are actually a moderately unattractive 50-something. Neither the legs nor the chest are really that appealing anymore.


3. If you are 50-year old man and can afford it, kill the long-hair, college-days, pseudo-intellectual look. It’s time to grow up and give it up.


4. Do not read with your glasses on your forehead, especially if you are #1 above.


5. Do not wear khaki shorts when it’s 15 degrees outside. People will think you’re not very bright–because you aren’t–because you’re wearing shorts in the middle of winter. And by the way, you can’t claim an artistic exemption just because your dreadlocks cover your khakied bottom.


6. Get rid of the red sweatshirt with the HO HO HO Snowmen on the front–especially if you are over 9. And especially if you are #2 above.


7. If for some reason you are absolutely 100% compelled to get a tattoo, go with a stick-on or at least something small and discreet. Avoid getting your entire arm wallpapered. It’s there till the end of time, and trust me, the fascination will wear off but the tattoo will not. When you grow up and you want to get a real job, will you whip that baby out at the job interview and say, “Does this scream responsibility or what?”


8. Smile. It will go a long way in covering up any flaws in your appearance. On the other hand, loud and obnoxious laughter does not have the same effect.


9. Avoid wearing the extra pounds that come with the Megafat Latte and cream cheese Danish you are about to order. Don’t believe me? Google “success and weight.”


10. For a really good image education, spend an hour people-watching in Starbucks.